A cruel twist of irony
by AgentStrange
Summary: Angst,drama & romance S3. It says it's finished but I have decided it is not. I'm gonna change, update and carry this on so watch this space
1. chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** don't own Alias blah blah  
  
**Timeline:** mid season 3 blah blah  
  
Thank you SO much to all the people who reviewed by first two fics. You are all way too kind. I'm thinking of making this more than a one parter, so if u want, let me know if you agree! Thanks! Love dani xxx  
  
**A cruel twist of irony**  
  
Sydney cried out in pain, the agony she was experiencing worse that any torture she had ever been subjected to before. Her throat was savagely raw from her weeping; her chest was tight, restricting her breaths, worsening her hyperventilation, her eyes were red and swollen from their abuse. She tried not to cry, she had tried so hard, she couldn't stand him knowing he'd finally got to her, that she'd given in, that he'd broken her. She didn't understand. She was trained to withstand this type of pain, to compartmentalise. From where she'd collapsed in the room by the heavy door, she had slowly crawled, propping herself up against the wall, swaying gently. She didn't want to be too loud in case somehow he heard her. He always managed to notice her pain; he'd only make it worse by asking her questions, and any physical contact only resulted in her aching more.  
  
She remembered the way he looked at her; his eyes were empty and cold as he distanced himself from her. Sydney realised this was his way of bringing an element of objectivity to the situation, for anyone that cruel had to have a conscience, right? He had to feel a pang of guilt when he went to bed, but the pain he had inflicted upon her kept her awake.  
  
Sometimes he'd say things, such callous and terrible things, and she wondered if he prepared them, or just allowed them to materialise out of his own hate. Part of her despised him, but other parts of her tried to justify his actions, saying he knew no better and he didn't understand the degree of torment he had created for her. His torture was magnified by her own weakness she decided, and she kept coming to the same conclusion: that it was her fault she was alone in a cold, uncomfortable room. She was to blame for her anguish. She had gotten herself into this mess.  
  
Someone was at the door. She froze, fear thundering through her body. It was him, her torturer, she knew it. The door of the cold corridor-like room swung open and he stood there watching her. His breath hitched after finally seeing the extent of her suffering. He walked towards her; she flinched and pressed herself up against the wall trying to escape from his out-reaching arms. To her surprise he fell to his knees in front of her. _Was he hurt?_ She thought. _Had the tables been turned? _His voice broke as he whispered her name. She was shocked he still remembered it and became flustered when he held her close to him. The pressure he applied to her body caused her to cry out with grief, and she pushed him away.  
  
"No Vaughn!" she screamed to her tormentor as her body took another assault from her emotions "You can't comfort me anymore! You're no longer my Guardian Angel! You caused this! Do you hear me? You caused this!" she ran out over her prison-like apartment, leaving her torturer sobbing as she had been seconds before, for the tables had indeed turned, in a cruel twist of irony. 


	2. chapter 2

i reeealy don't own alias (duh)

hey dudes! thanks for reviewing...um not really sure where this is going...beginning to think i should of left this as is but never mind..um let me know what you think...dani xx

p.s sorry all my fics are so short! i don't know how you guys amnage it. i'll try make them longer from now on- they just seem such much shorter when i upload them!!!

**chapter 2**

It took him a little over a minute to realise he should've run out after her; that he should be sprinting to catch up with her screaming her name. He angrily wiped his face clear of tears, slamming the door behind him as darted out. It was raining; the drops were furious and heavy, yet their impact soft, barely noticed by his body. He didn't understand how it had come to this; how he had managed to hurt her so much- how had he caused her so much pain. He suddenly stopped realizing he didn't know where he was running. Where could she have gone? He knew she wouldn't go to Eric's, but it was too late anyway- he had passed his home seconds after feeing Syd's. The pier? Maybe, but it was several miles from here and he didn't have his car- he'd walked to Syd's so he could plan what he was going to say. He'd have to run. Vaughn tore towards his destination, contemplating where Sydney could be and what she could be doing. Oh Jesus. He stopped dead in his tracks. What if she- no. He screamed to himself she wouldn't. Syd's not like that, she couldn't, she wouldn't. She couldn't do that to him. He mentally slapped himself. How could you possibly be so selfish?! This is about Syd not you! She would only take her life because of the pain you had caused her, not because she'd lost you, not to hurt you! But she didn't know what pain is. He started running again, faster than before. When she died he was destroyed, demolished. He was no longer the man he had been, he was a ghost of himself, but instead of a spirit without a body, he was a body without a spirit. She was his spirit, she was his heart, his mind, his soul, leaving only the shell remaining. When he saw her in Hong Kong, his spirit and soul returned, but they were full of darkness. Finally he could see the magnitude of his grief, how unrecognisable he had become, how everything in the last two years had practically been performed on autopilot. And for a second he hated her for it. He hated her for leaving him. He hated her for telling her he gave up. He hated her to coming back from the dead, making the wound fresher, more painful. She had no concept of what true pain felt like, he was the one who had lost her, he was the one who had to carry on, move on. At least she could survive on the glimmer of hope that they would reunite; at least he hadn't died leaving her completely and utterly alone. Then it dawned upon him- she was alone, she had Weiss of course, but he was her 'drinking buddy'. He was her knew best friend and could be there for her when he was no longer allowed to. Eric was-was her knew Guardian Angel... all of a sudden it came screeching back to him, slamming into him like a bullet. _"No Vaughn! You can't comfort me anymore! You're no longer my Guardian Angel! You caused this! Do you hear me? You caused this!"_ He sobbed as he remembered the pain of her words and the agony present in her voice. He could see the door of her home wide open, could hear her yells as he approached her house, could visualise the way her shuddering body was half sprawled and have curled up on the floor. Then he remembered the most agonising thing of all; how she had flinched in reaction to his attempt to comfort her, how she's tried to crawl away only to be stopped by the wall, and how he had inevitably made the situation worse.  
  
He was at the pier now, the rain was coming down thick and clumsily, preventing him seeing any thing more than five foot in front of him.  
  
"Sydney!" he screamed, his voice cracking violently with the force behind it. The sound that had just escaped from his mouth was the most terrifying thing he had ever heard and he span around wildly in an attempt to find his most treasured possession. _'No'_ he thought furiously to himself. _'She isn't yours anymore. How dare you think that when she isn't so much allowed to look at you or touch you in a manner, which isn't considered professional! There was a time you could say she was yours, and could place your arm around her waist, beaming with pride, honour and gratitude, but that was two years ago. Now she can't even bare to be in the same room as you let alone let you touch her.'  
_  
He had run the length of the pier twice now. She wasn't there, or at least he hadn't seen her. How did this happen? He thought desperately . How did it come to this? How did I manage to abuse her so horrifically?


	3. chapter 3

**Don't own alias  
  
Heya!!! Thanks to everyone who reviewed especially Neptunestar! You really are a honey! ITS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!!!!!(Ok the 30th June...but where I am that's in....checks clock.....1 hour!) So please please review-think of it as a birthday present! Thank you. Let me know what you think and if I should continue! Dani xxx  
**  
She didn't know where to go. She had no one to run to- she had Weiss of course, but she'd cried to him so many times it hardly seemed fair to the man. Her Dad? Ha! Yer right. They were close but not that close, Dixon? No, Marshal? No... that was it. That was pretty much everyone. There was something nagging her at the back of her mind, it wouldn't let her be. Even with her legs pounding on the ground furiously, and the annoyingly warm tears clashing artistically with the rain, which pelted down on her fragile body. She'd been running for a long time now, hoping that the emotional and almost physical pain would subside, but it didn't and she new it wouldn't. She felt as if she'd been hit repeatedly, that she'd been punched, slapped, kicked, bruised...burnt. She felt burnt; she was exhausted. She let out an angry cry remembering the same phrase being mentioned in her last conversation with Francie...another angry cry...Allison; the woman that killed her best friend and ruined Will's life. The woman that stole her from Vaughn. She stopped immediately. No. Vaughn was stolen from her. I am the one suffering she told herself. He moved on he managed to live without me. His heart mended, while mind remains an open chasm, an achingly desperate dying rose, whose gardener has gone off and married some annoying British blonde. _'He always did like blondes more...with Alice and...Lauren...this is ridiculous!'_ she said giving herself a mental slap. _'Vaughn's pain is less than yours; think about it! You died, yes, but he married someone else, he's not going to do that in a hurry, which means he must really love her. Really. But his pain is less because you came back- he lost you but he found you. Jesus what do I sound like? He found me?! What am I a pair of gloves he was kind of keen on but misplaced?! A possession of his?!'_ Then she realised she was _'I will always be his, even if he doesn't want me anymore, even though he has discarded me.'_ It suddenly hit her- that was what had been bugging her- the person she needed to go to and wanted so desperately to cling to for support, was Vaughn: her tormentor himself. He was the only one who could comfort her, but he was the one had caused this pain: the very pain she wanted him to make go away. She laughed at the irony of it all. She doubled over in a hideous mixture of tears and laughter, her hysterical giggling more frightening than she could ever describe, more frightening than Vaughn and the so terribly damaging things he could do to her. _'So,'_ she thought sorrowfully _'I really am alone. I have no one. Oh god, I have no one. I can't go to anyone; I've already caused too much pain,'_ "So much pain" she whispered. She didn't know if she was talking about herself or the many lives she considered to have destroyed since her return. She knew what she had to do, what she wanted to do. 'They all moved on before,' she thought 'They can do it again' she began to sob again, more quiet than before. 'A-at least t-this time, th-they'll have a body.'She wept lightly 'And at least I won't have to watch my own funeral either' she joked.  
  
Her feet hammered on the cement floor flooded by the torrential rain. She didn't know how long she had been sprinting, but one sure she could be sure of was that Vaughn hadn't followed her. If he had, it was too late. There was nothing he could say or do to make her forgive him and to make the pain go away; for he had opened her heart, and he alone had broken it, using her love as a vulnerability, and her exposed soul against her.  
  
She was at the pier now. She stood on the railings, refusing to relive the memory rattling fearlessly inside her mind. Her hands were cold and shaken but her face was hard and determined. She heard him scream her name savagely, ravishing its memory. It was too late now. There was nothing he could do.  
  
**Remember, if you've just read this its probably my birthday (probably not but I'm gonna take a gamble) so please review!!! xxx**


	4. chapter 4

Disclaimer- don't own alias  
  
Wow thanks for the reviews! (And the birthday wishes) but now I know you guys are reading...please review!!! Enjoy- hope its ok!  
  
Oh Neptunestar- ye of little faith... you have to trust me on this! Thanks very much to Emmy d, grouch, sarkalltheway and agent flamingo for their e=reviews! Keep reading and keep reviewing! -Dani xxx  
  
Sydney POV  
  
She gasped as it her; the strength and the violence of it coursing through her body. She shivered, crying out in anguish; how could she possibly be contemplating this?! She was so strong and had come so far only to fall at a small bump in the road. She stepped back from the railing, a small exhalation masquerading as a laugh escaping her lips. She leant forward so her chest was parallel to the floor, keeping her hand firmly grasped onto the bitter metal, she looked up to the bruised sky letting her pain escape her mouth just as thunder escaped from the clouds. She was so angry with herself. Did she want him to win this sadistic little game? For him to know he had succeeded? The sadomasochist! She was sure he was getting some sick pleasure out of this she knew she would always love him... but she wouldn't allow herself to acknowledge that fact anymore.   
  
A sudden force from behind her however sent her flying over the railings. She screamed, the disbelief and fear causing her to yelp angrily.  
  
Vaughn POV  
  
It had only been small; practically inaudible, but he'd heard her sob- just as he was turning to leave. He always managed to hear her cry; he wished he could be the one to make the hurting subside, to rock her to sleep gently. He used to do that, he would sing to her, only softly, barely audible in fact, only she could hear her, and he sang only for her, but it would calm her as if a tranquilliser.  
  
"Syd..." he whispered. He had seen her standing on the bottom railings, hanging precariously over the edge, a swirling vortex of furious water beneath her. He couldn't watch her leave his life for the second time. He'd failed to protect her before; he wasn't going to do it again. He ran towards her, not believing he'd managed to pass her twice without seeing her- she had stepped back now, looking up towards the sky as if saying some silent goodbye. He lunged towards her, trying to grab her flimsy wet camisole; he was going to protect her; he was going to be her knight in shining armour. He was going to be her guardian angel once more.  
  
General POV  
  
Her reflexes allowed her to grab something almost a spilt second after she'd toppled over the edge; she suddenly recognised it as an arm; Vaughn's arm. Her body dangled lifelessly as if some discarded rag doll being tortured by a bored child. The veins protruded out of his forehead, he grimaced as a second arm joined the first to hold her above the purple waves, as his jaw clenched together, his teeth grinded as if a wild animal waiting for the kill. He let out two determined yet saddened cries as she remained silent, hanging modestly, looking into his eyes. She was almost disorientated by the absurdity of the moment and looked at him through dark and frightening eyes.  
  
"Go on Vaughn," she sneered, "let me drop. Stop toying with me like a cat with a mouse, either let me go, or consume me. Devour me like the murderous bastard you have become!" The impact of her words let his face fall, the hurt so apparent she felt like weeping; seeing him in that state wounded her more than any of the actions, or any of the words previously had. He almost dropped her with astonishment that her words had been so hurtful, that that was what she thought. With one swift and cohesive movement, he yanked her over the barrier, allowing her exhausted body to fall onto his as it had so many times.  
  
"I-is that what you think?" he asked heatedly, "Tha-that this is a game to me- that I find this fun?! Do you honestly believe I could become so twisted and malicious an-"  
  
"Yes Vaughn! Yes! That's exactly what I think" she interrupted, her voice livid and corrupted. She stood up quickly panting as she spoke. Her eyes frightened him as his did hers. Who were these people? They had become angry strangers partaking in emotionally slaughtering antics " I think that me coming back and destroying your wonderful little life killed you- I think me coming back was the worst thing that ever happened to you, and you are so enraged by this fact, that you will do anything and everything in your power to make my life as miserable as possible. The Vaughn I knew is dead!"  
  
"Yer. You're right" he responded loudly, the anger and hurt evident in his voice, "I don't even know that guy any more. He died when you did, his ashes were spread with yours, he was ripped from me as you were. But don't you dare think that I would be so pathetic as to go about making you suffer, when all I do is contemplate how I've hurt you so bad!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You heard me. I've spent so many nights, emotionally abandoning my wife by thinking how I've done you wrong, and how I should make it better. But you haven't lost me Sydney! I'm still here!" he screamed over the rain "You didn't have to wake up everyday for two years wishing you had the nerve to end your life because, the thing you loved more than ANYTHING has perished along with her memory, name and any mementos that could be salvaged! While you were off gallivanting with Lazaray, trying to save the world, I WAS ALONE! I'D LOST YOU. I BURIED YOU! So don't-you-DARE tell me how hard it is for you Sydney! I am very much alive, you can see me every day. You can see me, touch me, talk to me! I-had-nothing. Nothing! Just a liquor bottle and glorified dust! And Lauren!" he continued, "you moved on from Danny to me, so why the hell couldn't I?!" she smashed her palm across his face  
  
"HOW DARE YOU?! How could you possibly bring him into this how cou- Oh my God... that's it isn't it? That's it!" he knew what she was thinking  
  
"No Sydney..."  
  
"Shhh...no, no...ah I get it now" she shrieked hysterically, "I finally get it! I'm your Danny!" he stepped towards her "I loved Danny so much, and a part of me always will, but he was taken from me, and I tried SO, SO hard to avenge him; to kill Sloane. But when I met you...God" she whispered pensively," you were, I was SO in love with you, you... I used to think meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me- you saved me- you rescued me from despair- just like Lauren saved you! She is to you, what you were to me- she's your guardian angel!" the tears were coming hard and fast now from both, "she was a shoulder to cry on" she sobbed, her words spoken as if to herself, the realisation of the words she was producing almost paralysing her, " she was the only one who could make you smile in the most depressing of times. She was the only one who new just what to say to make the pain subside and the one who just the thought of could get you through the worst torture imaginable; the torture of losing someone you love!" they both knew she wasn't talking about Lauren anymore. "Oh my God. I'm dead to you. I'm just an unwanted memory that haunts. A past that won't let you be. I'm just another crack to me mended in your heart." He engulfed her in his arms. She let him for a moment, the peace brought to them at that second stunning them both.  
  
"NO!" she screamed, using all the force her fatigue-ridden body possessed. "You can't just hold be and make the pain wash away! Not anymore. A kiss can't take away pain just as tears can't bring back some one you love!" she wept ferociously  
  
"What happened to you Syd?' he whispered soothingly, "You were so strong, you were the invincible Sydney Bristow, my Syd; look out you now- sobbing your heart out over a mere boy..." she wiped her face with her sleeve, hurt by his words "And then you try t-to take y-our own life!" he sobbed  
  
"What?!" she screamed " how dare you think so little of me! How dare you think that I would kill myself-OVER YOU!" she hit him in the chest with her fist- he didn't flinch nor move in the slightest way; he just stood there and took it. 'How dare you move on so quickly? How dare you leave me so alone? How dare you abandon me when I needed you as a friend more than anything else- more than a lover and more than a handler- where were you when I needed you Vaughn?! Where?! And HOW DARE YOU kiss me in North Korea only to go back to Lauren. You're forgetting me Vaughn, you're leaving me alone. You're destroying me!" She hit him with every question, each blow more powerful than the last, each strike received quietly by the victim. Blood poured down his cheek, carelessly mingling with the rain. She slid down his body, grasping his shirt with two closed and angry fists. She cried harder than any other time she could recall- her anger as intoxicating as him. His sobs mirrored her own after seeing the sight before him and letting her words slowly penetrate his mind. They collapsed inelegantly against each other, the pain, anger, grief, sorrow and regret magnified a thousand times. The presence of each other both comforted them, soothing the pair with gentle and tender touch, but hurting them so much more than either would want to admit. Their faces stung from the tears, their bodies ached and their eyes and throats were red raw. Where could they go from here? Life had been so cruel, for they had both loved and lost, they had both loved and lost each other. 


	5. chapter 5

Disclaimer- same as always, I'm pretty sure we're all aware I do not own Alias  
  
Thanks to my reviewers- Enjoy! love dani xxx  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Neither of them new how long they had been there; the storm had subsided and it was raining gently, mirroring the calmness that had taken hold of both Sydney and Vaughn. They sat where they had fallen and after what had felt like hours to them, were leaning up against each other, Sydney's head resting just below the base of Vaughn's neck; their heavy breathing had created an obscure, sad rhythm. Neither of them had spoken in a long time, and Vaughn sighed sorrowfully. She read him instantly; his pain was still evident. He casually rested his head back so it lay on top of hers tenderly. He felt her inhale sharply- the intimate and loving contact awaking the dormant pain within her.  
  
"Syd?" he whispered warmly  
  
"Yer?" she responded modestly  
  
"I-I'm... I need you to know- "  
  
"No Vaughn. Please. Not-not again, I can't handle it- not this time" she sobbed  
  
"No," he interjected softly, "I'm not going to hurt you again- I promise. I-I can't." he continued shakily, both were still collapsed on the ground. "Whatever we say and whatever we do- whatever happens, I w-will always be yours." He didn't let her hear him sob at the end of his small declaration; he knew her emotional stability, like his, was hanging precariously over an edge, waiting to fall. He turned his body to face hers, her exhausted form falling to wherever his body was absent. She found herself resting against his chest, her head tucked under his chin. As she began to shiver from the dampness of her clothes, he wrapped his arms around her, always subconsciously trying to protect her. A faint smile graced her features as she allowed the tender and loving actions between them to evolve. She still hurt fiercely, as did he, but only Vaughn could quell her fears, and make the pain settle, if just for a little while. She would only lie like this for a few minutes she told herself, just a little while longer. Part of her was screaming 'You gave up, you let him win' but she dismissed the voice after sleepily realising to him, this was not a game, he had suffered as much as she had. Vaughn was a casualty of consequence too.  
  
He realised he was crossing a very dangerous line; he couldn't bare the thought of inflicting anymore pain upon his Syd, the one he swore he would always love and remember, the very girl he promised to always to protect. Pain rippled through him as his body recalled what it was like to hold her again, and he ached, realising the extreme state of grief he would experience after she would tear her body from his. Vaughn had unintentionally begun to caress the base of her neck with the back of his fingers, letting the tips dance across her skin lazily every now and then. With of the base of his palm he wiped his glassy, weary eyes, refusing to let another tear escape.  
  
Her breathing had slowed now and he knew her eyes were closed, but her face still communicated a troubled emotional state. He softly slid his arms under her slender thighs, ignoring the sensation passing through his body. She slid her hands up his chest, to gracefully curve around his neck. They shivered pleasantly at the gentle touch they were bestowing upon each other; she was in that place between asleep and awake, where she wasn't distressed by her problems, and she so fondly remembered from her time with Vaughn. He recalled those times vividly also- _he would teasingly let his fingers and lips softly caress her body as she drifted off into a peaceful slumber, watching a small grin toy with her lips. Every gentle moan that she produced managed to signal some of the most arousing and intimate moments the two shared_. They both smiled inwardly and subconsciously at the shared memory, not realising they were recollecting the same vibrant memories. Neither of them could understand how the storm between them had managed to calm so dramatically, and as Vaughn tried to comprehend if she would ever truly forgive him, it suddenly dawned upon him they were no longer at the pier.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Vaughn arrived at Syd's house. He knew, for her, it would never be a home, but just a place to sleep. He wished so hard that he could stay here with her- that this could be their house, but a loud clinking of metal on wood as his knuckles grazed the frame of the door jolted him out his thoughts. _Lauren._ Oh God, what was he going to do? He had tried so hard to reconcile with Syd, to express his grief- but he doubted he had managed too achieve that at all- in fact he was sure the events of the evening had caused even more damage- what was Syd going to think when she woke in the morning to feel the warmth of his touch absent from her body? And she would know he was with Lauren instead of her- that despite his pleading words, ultimately, he had chosen Lauren. He closed the door behind him gently, carefully kicking of his shoes and padding through the living room into what he hoped was her bedroom.  
  
Sydney groaned as he laid her on the bed; her aching muscles causing her aggravation even in sleep. He smiled sadly realising how far she was pushed, and how much she pushed herself. Ignoring their awkward history, he slowly began to undress her, careful not to let his fingers graze her skin too often, the mixture of pain and pleasure frightening him. He cringed at his unfaithfulness, only to assure himself he was just taking care of someone he cared about very, very deeply for. Besides, the emotional neglect in his and Lauren's marriage (from both sides) was ridiculous. He was sure this charade could not and would not continue for much longer, and he had been contemplating a separation for a while now.   
  
If he hadn't been her lover, he was certain placing Sydney sweetly on the bed in her underwear would be considered crossing a line- a major, perverted line, but his intentions were loving and kind, and she would silently acknowledge and accept this in the morning without him knowing. He slowly made his way over to some drawers, discovering a pair of comfortable looking grey sweats and a slightly fitted t-shirt. He slipped the pyjama bottoms over her legs delicately and dressed her in her tee, leaving her underwear very much on. He knew that would be too far, their relationship did have a prominent element of intimacy, but that was then. This is now.  
  
He gently placed her on the bed as if afraid he would break her. He smoothly placed her duvet cover over her relaxed yet tensed body; he wanted to kiss her so badly, every fibre of his body ached for her, but he knew it was not the right time, they still had issues to work through, lots and lots of issues.   
  
He softly padded through her home as she slept off the fatigues of her emotions. He was tired and cold, and had a deep urge to vent his emotions.  
  
"Shame there isn't an ice rink close" he mused out loud. He began looking at Sydney's home. He felt so sorry for her- this place was so un-Syd. It screamed of loneliness, and the dark woods and paint made it feel shady and miserable. There were no personal touches, not one single photograph. It was the picture of objectivity, providing no warmth or safety, not allowing anyone to feel at home. 'Oh Sydney' he thought 'I am so, so sorry'  
  
He shivered violently, and after discovering the cause: his damp clothes, he walked slowly back into her room to check she was all right. He quickly shed his clothes swiftly, ignoring the objections of his muscles and through them in a soggy heap on the floor. He stood only in his boxers, and after deciding this entire situation was amazingly inappropriate after the events of the last five months, and even the last five hours, he went into what he believed to be a guest room in search for Eric's spare clothes. Even though he was never told of their relationship, Vaughn was a smart man. He knew Eric slept over at Syd's often and vice versa, and so was confident clothes would be present. He was right. Vaughn was saddened as he placed the large hockey sweater over his head, as Eric could be there for Syd when he couldn't. He also knew he was probably a diplomatic shoulder to cry on, being friends with both disastrous parties.  
  
He sat at the side of her bed on the floor, close enough to hear her breathing, but far away enough not to cause discomfort. His legs were bent up infront of him as he reclined against the comfortable mattress. He was so so tired, physically and emotionally exhausted. He turned his body slightly so that his head inclined at an angle that allowed him to see Sydney. His eyelids became extremely heavy as his eyes and heart stung. This is bad. Very bad. His mind screamed at him, but it was too late. Vaughn's had fallen asleep next to Sydney, subconsciously terrified of what was going to occur when they woke. Silently and in sleep his had travelled to hers, mingling their fingers affectionately, which now humbly lay on her bare stomach. His last thoughts were telling ones; this was not then end, this was only the eye of the storm, and the animosity and pain would most definitely return in this malicious little game fate was playing.  
  
Pleeeease review! Your all giving up on me! Look at me weeping and stuff...Please excuse my strangeness and ignore what I just said and review the fic! 


	6. chapter 6

**Disclaimer; same as always  
  
A/n If anyone has the season 2 box set, there's a small tribute to a deleted scene that some of you may appreciate. I think it was a crime it didn't get in so I put it my fic instead! Please review please please. Love dani xxx p.s sorry about the long paragraphs (especially to Kris!) THANKYOU ALL REVIEWERS!!!!!!!!xxx  
  
A/n is this the end? I dunno! Tell me what you think.**  
  
Chapter 6  
  
They were making love, slow, seductive and passionate. She bit his lip as he kissed her, his groans alone nearly sending her over the edge. His hand grazed her stomach constantly, the gentle action making her shiver. She suddenly felt something cool against the side of her face- her eyes flew open immediately realising what it was. Vaughn was holding a gun to her head; she choked quietly, fear and shock aiding in the breaking of her heart. Her eyes travelled to his temple, where cold metal rested uneasily-she was also holding a gun. She began to sob, disillusioned and not understanding. He kissed her one more time, whispering into her mouth.  
  
"We'll be the death of each other. You know that right Syd?"  
  
She woke abruptly, panting heavily. Sydney squeezed her eyes shut placing the palms of her hands over them. She ran her fingers through her hair, staring blankly into the darkness of her room. She had been shocked by the power of the dream, the memory of the way Vaughn touched her flooding back in a weak but cherished memory. She wondered what it meant but she was saddened by his words. Albeit fictitious, the implication of the experience was distressing. They could not be together again, not like in her nightmare anyway. Was it a nightmare? she questioned. The mixture of bliss and fear was ironic and painful, and even though she didn't believe in them, she was so frightened of it being some sort of sign. What if what Vaughn said was right? Would their love for each other break them; where they to perish under the strain of their incomprehensible relationship? Had Vaughn broken her heart beyond repair...  
  
A pleasant sensation quelled her fears however. She blushed, immediately recognizing it as one of the same feelings she had had in her dream. She looked down to see Vaughn's hand lying seductively above the low band of her sweats. She blushed further, the feeling becoming mixed with anger that even though they had so much to work through, she was letting him touch her in an intimate manner. Confusion washed over as to why he was there; come to think of it why was she there? Last she remembered, she sat defeated at the pier, resting against his damp, fatigued but also warm body.  
  
"Oh God he carried me!" she exclaimed quietly. She was flattered he still cared, and that his strength still remained after all this time; the Vaughn she fell in love with had no problem carrying her (she blushed even further after remembering where and why), and she contemplated just how much, like her, he had changed. Another adjustment that hadn't gone unnoticed was the fact she was now lying comfortably in her pyjamas. After acknowledging the idea he must of undressed her, she became surprisingly self-conscious, and her anger seemed to grow. In all their time together, he had never managed to make her feel any less than beautiful, but now she was petrified of him seeing her na-   
  
"Oh my God!" she shrieked silently not wanting to wake the sleeping figure before her. Her hands flew to cover her chest where her palms met the hidden material of her bra. Relief swam over her refreshed but aching body. So, she thought dryly, chivalry is not dead. She was still irritated at his blatant disregard at what had happened that evening but was almost moved by his contradicting tender and caring actions.   
  
He had always been a gentleman; it was another of his many virtues, and just one of the reasons she was sure many women were lining up around the block for him. It hit her quickly, the blow biting into her flesh, stinging her heart- she was one of those women, just one of his countless female admirers- a conspirator, secretly and selfishly praying for the collapse of his marriage. She bit her lip, her brow furrowed with sadness. She, like those numerous girls, would never hear him say that he loved her. He had implied it of course; he would have said it in North Korea if she'd let him, and perhaps on the pier earlier, but there was always an obstacle, always something in their way. The closest he'd come to confessing his love was in his classroom-but that had been said in the past tense, communicating how they were over, and how he had moved on. That, inevitably had made the situation worse, reminding her how life had gone on without her, and refreshing her memory on what had been lost. Her cheeks ached from the tears that cascaded down them. She removed his hand from her stomach, brushing his knuckles gently with the pad of her thumb. The soft ping of the elastic from her sweats and underwear made her jump, and the sensation of the touch of his fingertips remained silently and seductively on her lower abdomen. She threw the covers off herself and moved to the very edge of her bed careful not to wake the handsome entanglement of limbs beneath her. He shifted slightly at the absence of her warmth, and as she had almost reached her door she heard him groan her name; it made her tremble, reminding her of more pleasant circumstances. She closed the door behind her.   
  
Not really knowing what she wanted to do and where exactly in her house she was headed to, Sydney slowly ambled through her hallway and into her living room. She didn't want to admit it to herself, but the place seemed different with him there. She told herself of course, that logically, she wasn't really alone for the first time since what felt like forever so it was bound to feel different. Whenever Weiss was there he brought a spark of light, happiness and warmth, filling the building with laughter and giggles, but she was usually too drunk to notice any real change in the ambience of the place. Sydney had realised a while back she was too scared to fill it with any personal things in case they too, like her were destroyed. She had lost so many items in her last home she didn't even want to think about it. There was a blanket, for example, that her grandmother had sent her. It was pink and cream, and similar to the many other sentimental items, were figuratively and literally irreplaceable. Her many yearbooks and photographs, while obtainable, would never be the same, the sentiment never to be present again. All her favourite clothes and perfumes, each specific to a certain place or memory, old birthday and Christmas cards, her engagement ring from Danny, all had been ruined or obliterated.   
  
She collapsed onto her sofa rubbing her temples distractedly. The material of her bra irritated her tender body, so s unclasped it, half-heartedly discarding it on the floor not bothering to look where it landed. Her body screamed with dull pain as she leant back onto the soft material of her couch, letting herself mould to its shape in a feeble attempt to disappear. She sat in an angry daze for a couple of minutes, refusing to let herself forgive him. He hadn't hurt her, he'd nearly killed her, just as she was sure she had him. She often wondered what could have happened if she'd gotten out of her car that night she had gone to see him. Would they be together, or would he be with Lauren regardless of her premature return? Was Lauren really that much to him, had she been so imperative to his recovery? Or what if her father had had the intuition to notice the odd presence of the van at her funeral. Would they have saved her? One of the things Sydney couldn't understand the most was even if Vaughn had claimed to have loved her as much as he had, wouldn't he be more comforting to her since her painful return? Only since she came back she was positive what they had meant more to her than him, but even so, he must have felt substantial grief when she 'died'-they were lovers after all, and so if he knew what it was like to lose her, shouldn't he be sympathetic and reassuring, providing at least an objective shoulder to cry on?  
  
It saddened her upon realising she hadn't stopped crying since leaving him in her room. Her face was raw from wiping the evidence of her strong emotions every few minutes. She coughed defiantly, letting herself recover from her tears. She got up, circling her couch coming face to face with Vaughn.  
  
"Syd" he whispered, his voice deep and hoarse similar to how it was after they would to kiss.   
  
"Why are you here Vaughn?" she asked, the neutral façade returning once more he noticed. "Really. Why? Is it for closure? Because I already told you; there is no way you are getting that from me. Or is it because you had nothing to do, and you could use something to play with?" she was becoming flustered, her anger evident as she gesticulated wildly. "And another thing! How did I get home, and do you think after everything you've put me through you have the right to undress me? I mean, as good as your intentions maybe Vaughn, you're making it harder to me" she rambled "And what were you doing just then?" she added, waving her finger at they area where she had initially seen him, the spot from where he had moved closer to her, she intentionally ignored how they had slept, and their intimate contact. "Were you watching me? I-I mean I know you used to when we were together, and perhaps before, in debriefs and stuff, or when I was sleeping, or-or...why did you stay here? Why didn't you go home? And why are you only in boxers?" her questions and ramblings were becoming almost sadly amusing to him as he studied her, frowning gently, his eyes seeming pained. As she spoke, her eyes darted around the room, stopping every now and then, trying to read his expression. "What would be said if people knew you were in my house, in the early hours of the morning, scantily clad, sleeping next to me, w-with, like-do you do these things deliberately to annoy me or hurt me, or cause me more grief? To, t-to emphasise the fact that I'm alone, with nothing but my pathetic memories and depressing thoughts while y- " her aggravated protests were suddenly cut short by his lips pressing firmly against hers, momentarily muffling her words until she gave in to his kiss. She opened her mouth slightly, mirroring his own faintly suprised actions and allowing the kiss to deepen. Their breathing was heavy yet quiet, the sensation of the soft but heated kiss awaking dormant emotions and hidden memories. His actions were gentle and passionate, the kiss tidy yet impulsive. He broke away reluctantly resting his head against hers. Their breathing was now louder and more frequent, and he swallowed a few times to gain control of himself.  
  
"Syd? Shut up" he whispered in a husky but steady voice. He quickly studied her face, the brave and dramatic action causing insecurity and worry to bubble up inside him. Instinct had taken over- his move wasn't planned or intentional- but like everything in his life regarding the woman before him, was instructed by emotion instead of thought. She lifted her head to look at him, brushing her nose playfully and gently against his. She had completely forgotten what she was saying and couldn't even remember why she had been yelling at him. Sydney stepped back slightly, studying his features, immediately capturing his mouth with hers, taking him by complete surprise. He brushed his hand against her back, making her shiver like she always did under his touch. Her fingers slowly danced up to circle his neck, her arm resting as it had so many times before.   
  
Her rational self surfaced in perfect synchronisation with his. Her hand came up in between them, pushing him away gently as he neatly broke off the kiss.  
  
"Vaughn no, we-"she whispered, her voice thick with emotion and stimulation. She was interrupted by his own gravely tone  
  
"Syd, you asked me why I came here. I want to tell you." He took her hand, leading her to the couch. As she sat down he started pacing, running his hands through his hair; its newly tousled appearance would have made her smile if his contrasting actions weren't frightening her as much as they were.  
  
"Vaughn?" she questioned anxiously, her voice dripping with trepidation  
  
"Lauren's pregnant" he blurted out clumsily. He watched as her expression fall and her delicate face was painted with the familiar look of misery. A small sob-like cough came tumbling out of her mouth, the lips he had been caressing with his own begging to tremble.  
  
"Y-you...I, why are you, I don't unders- y-" her words were angry and pained and she began to cry before he could quell her fears and her estimation of him plummeted further.  
  
"Syd," he continued, refusing to acknowledge her tears in fear of prompting his own. "I-I'm not toying with you in some sick game- please let me speak before I can break you heart all over again" he tucked he hair behind her ear seconds before she did, the accidental prediction caused their hands to clash. Not allowing her to pull away from his touch he took her hand is his own placing them in her lap. He was kneeling before her "I never ever meant to hurt you. You have to know that. Since I met you, it has been my goal in life to prevent pain for you wherever possible, and it kills me every time I realise, I cause your sadness, I'm the cause of all your troubles; I am the one that has ruined your life" he choked out. She shook her head in gentle protest at his words, a practically inaudible 'no' escaping. He had made her life so much better, and their relationship was bittersweet, as for every rose was a thorn, and for every happy journey, a cruel twist of irony. "Lauren and I- we haven't been together for two months. It is not physically possible for her to be carrying my child. L-Lauren is having an affair." It was the first time he said it out loud. He had expected his heart to break a little, but it seemed to feel as if it had mended slightly. I feel terrible because...I-I needed- I wanted to be with you for so, so long, but I couldn't leave Lauren, I-just-I..." his sentence remained unfinished, for a second she admired his loyalty to his wife, but cursed it also.  
  
"You needed it to be for a legitimate reason, you refused to leave her for another woman. You refused to leave her for me Vaughn. I'm second best. So what now? You're marriage has failed so now you're willing to give us a go. How dare you assume I would want to play second fiddle to Lauren!" she said standing up "t-that you can just come here an-" she didn't really know what to say. Spite and fury took over. "So what Vaughn?" She screamed "You're wife's fucking someone else so you thought 'hey yeah why not'?!" they both suddenly froze at the impact and aggression of her words, they were breathing heavily not knowing what to say or do. The tears on their cheeks seemed to crystallise momentarily, stopping their angry journeys. He looked her at through livid and hurt eyes, evidence of disappointment etched into his face. She lowered her head defeated and exhausted, covering her aggrieved face with her hand. She began to sob, not understanding how they had become so unrecognisable and how she had become so aggressive towards the one she loved the most. He stood frozen to the spot, his tears bravely continuing. Her sobs became more violent, yet after being perfected over time, remained silent.  
  
Sydney felt her body beginning to fall, beaten and overwhelmed by her emotions. Vaughn, upon almost foreseeing this, was there to catch her lifeless body. He knelt underneath the weary form of his love, cradling her as she hid herself against his slender body. The two shook in a unique blend of grief and joy; grief, from the pain received and to come, and joy at the realisation of a second chance, a fresh start, a new beginning.

**Getting all teary eyed by the decrease in reviews dudes!**


	7. chapter 7

**Disclaimer-bla bla bla  
  
I dunno if this still a PG-13 I really hope it is. Its just probably a high PG-13- still haven't got a grip on this hole rating stuff!  
  
A/n This just kind of evolved. I didn't (and still don't) really know where it's headed. Please let me know what you guys think. Your reviews mean a lot and help me loads. Thanks to ALL of the lovely people who have taken the time to voice their opinions-its really great of you. Enjoy and keep reading- dani xxx**

Chapter 7  
  
"Na-uh. I'm not carrying you again Bristow. Come on get up" Vaughn joked gently, after feeling the familiar sensation of Sydney's body giving in to the calls of sleep, resting against his own. They helped each other as they stood, smiling gently "Fine." She sighed lightly. They looked at each other for a few seconds, a recognisable silence filling the gap between them  
  
"I er...'  
  
"Need to stay here?" she interjected kindly.  
  
"Yer. I walked here, so I um could plan what I was going to say to you. I had this whole thing planned out, all poetic and... perfect. Well. Worked well didn't it?" she grinned softly upon seeing him beginning to ramble like she herself had "and um so if its ok, I mean I don't want to make things more difficult but I saw a spare bedroom, or I could sleep here" he said gesturing towards the couch "And I would go to Eric's but its like, em-" he checked his watch "nearly four in the morning an-"  
  
"Its working?" she whispered, sadness flooding back to her voice. He clasped his hand around his fathers watch, wringing his wrist nervously.  
  
"She had it fixed" he replied, evidence of distain present in his tone.  
  
"Oh..."  
  
" I was so angry with her; I knew she didn't understand its importance to me" she gasped gently trying to establish the meaning of his words- did he mean them? "She actually forgot the anniversary my father's death; so, I guess she thought it would be a nice thing to do- I could have sworn I told her about the significance of it stopping- she must have forgotten that too. The night she gave it to me, I asked to separate, but then her father...When you hung up, I could hear you're pain. I could almost feel it. I was lying in bed next to Lauren, but as usual, all I could think of was you; I could not believe I'd managed to harm you yet again. That's when I came over. I couldn't take it; you not knowing how I felt and not understanding my change in heart-my cowardly actions. I know there is nothing I will ever be able to say or do to get you to forgive me, and all I can say is just how sorry I am for the sickening way I've treated you. I could understand if you would never want to see me again, but please Syd, I beg you, don't leave me. I've lived my life without you once. I cannot do it again. Y-you don't ever have to speak to me again, just- I need you here" Sydney didn't know what to say. Vaughn's strong façade has almost been as believable as hers over the past year, and only now could she see the broken man he had become. She had done that to him. It was her fault. "My heart broke," he continued, his head lowered, shaking from side to side slowly "when I saw the hands which had been frozen for so long moving again. It broke just as I saw yours just then. But if it stops again, we'll know Syd. We'll have something concrete. Something to show the world rather than relying on what we pray is a mutual feeling inside us."   
  
"Vaughn, it must be hard for her. Lauren must have heard a lot from you about your feelings and our experiences, and that was ok because you thought I was dead. I was dead. I mean these were things you would never have told if I was just an ex." She didn't know why she was defending her "But then I came sauntering back into your life and the deep, personal things you told her are brought to the surface. She would probably feel like she would have to compete, which of course isn't true she's your wife, and I suppose she thought fixing the watch was a nice thing to do. She just probably forgot its...relevance"  
  
"Or she didn't and she wanted to remind me of the ring on my finger and to undermine our relationship, what we had. What we have." Sydney rubbed her eyes. She was tired and not emotionally stable enough to discuss Vaughn's marriage further.  
  
"I'm going to get a divorce. I-I don't know where that leaves us, and it's not fair for me to assume you would support me, as I have hardly been there for you, even though I wanted to be. And it wrong for me to assume that we could have a romantic relationship, and even if we did its not as if we don't have to work through some issu- " she leant forward kissing his cheek.  
  
"Vaughn? Shut up". This lightened the mood considerably, making them smile in a sad mixture of heartache and genuine happiness. They would have plenty of time to discuss their relationship. Another day, they both silently agreed.  
  
"Spare bedroom?"   
  
"That way"   
  
"Thanks. Can I use you're shower?"  
  
"You know you don't have to ask. Its in my room" she smiled.   
  
"Thanks" he grinned shyly. The whole conversation screamed of their old relationship, the situation making them feel comfortable and coy. It seemed neither had anything else to say at that moment on the events of the last year, but they knew in time, issues would arise that would need to be addressed. Sydney handed Vaughn a towel, their hands brushing gently: thoughts of Lauren and her betrayal long gone, and the anger and pain dissipating. Even though the contact was small and gradually becoming more frequent in their time together, the gentle touch stimulated them, suddenly making them aware on how close they had been standing. Being the talented spies they were, they showed no reaction to the physical-contact and were now separated by the flimsy wooden door.  
  
Sydney bit her lip as she imagined him under the hot water of the shower; the stream of heat cascading down his toned, muscular back, along a path her hands were so familiar with. She leaned against the door remembering their times together in her shower in her old home. If they were together now they needn't worry about closing the door or controlling their volume, if they made love now- she mentally slapped herself. What was she thinking?! They couldn't just pick up where they left off- she said it herself, a kiss doesn't make the pain go away...well Vaughn's kisses can she compromised, no. They'd changed. He might not want to be with her anymore, he was still married after all. It was very well saying he would get a divorce, but would he go through with it? she asked herself.  
  
On the other side of the door, Vaughn ran is hand through his hair as he lazily stood under the shower allowing the water to run down his back. He smiled, biting his lip remembering the last time they were together, the morning of her 'death'. He had been in the shower contemplating what to say to her in Santa Barbara; he was going to tell her he loved her, and that even though he wasn't going to propose (yet), spending his life with her was something he knew was going to happen. He was going to give her this beautiful ring he had chosen (with the help of Eric, Marshall and Carrie) in promise that he would propose some time soon, but when everything cleared itself up, and she was free to leave the CIA. Of course that never happened. On her return, Vaughn made the trio vow they would never speak a word of the ring, on which they kindly agreed, looks of sympathy present in their eyes. He knew it was mostly for Syd and not himself, and he got the impression they still weren't over him marrying Lauren, but he dismissed the thought reminding himself that he was happy thank you very much. He didn't need their approval.  
  
Realising he had been staring at the tiled wall for several distinctively depressing yet pleasant minutes, Vaughn turned off the water, stepped out and dried himself with the soft towel Sydney had given him. He groaned when realising instead of standing on a bath mat, he was standing on his clothes which were now soaking. He grunted loudly causing Sydney to tap on the door.  
  
"Vaughn? Are you ok?" she tried   
  
"yer I-uh..." he answered shyly swinging the door between them open "I kinda soaked my clothes" He held up his now sopping garments as if in confirmation of his story. She smiled unashamedly at his current state, making him in turn smile further. Clad only his towel he hid behind the door, noticing her coyness and feeling the blush in his cheeks. They felt the same adrenaline as the first night the were together, and she took the clothes from his hands to distract herself from staring and his sculptured physique.  
  
"I'll dry these out for you"  
  
"Thanks. Um do you have anything else of Eric's I could wear?" he asked apprehensively. He wasn't sure walking around Syd's house in a towel was something he should be doing.  
  
"Um...oh. I-I don't know. I think this is the extent of my male wardrobe" she said lifting the clothes. "I could check"  
  
"Thanks" as she left he leant against the doorframe his legs crossed out infront of him. He placed his hands in his hips patiently and hung his head, staring at the ground. He heard her from the other room.  
  
"Vaughn?"  
  
"Er, ya?" he walked to the spare bedroom. She laughed.  
  
" I can not find a single thing for you to wear"  
  
"Do you have anything, as weird as that may sound" her grin was infectious, and they found themselves smiling wildly at each other, enjoying the uncomfortable moment.  
  
"Funny, never saw you as the type" she teased  
  
"Cute"  
  
"Just let me check" she brushed past him, her shoulder grazing his. He swallowed as she moved back into her room, her fragrance lingering. He followed her, studying her movements as she bent down to some drawers. He stepped towards her silently  
  
"Ah ha" he heard her muffled response. 'Knew it" she stood her, her back to him. Sydney turned round, her body mere inches from Vaughn's. Their breathing was hard and she felt her smile fall as his had. His eyes seemed darker, yet not hostile. Passion; that was what she saw. The same look she saw nearly three years ago in the warehouse when he showed her the watch, when she told him she didn't need him to make her life easier, when he was walking towards her in SD-6. Their eyes were focus on each other's lips. He swallowed letting incoherent babble tumble out of his mouth  
  
"we should-um" she nodded softly  
  
"yer. We should" neither of them knew what they should actually do and what she had agreed with. She dropped the clothes on the floor lifting her hands to his neck as he bend his head down towards hers. Their tongues met first, gently clashing moments before their lips. Before in the living room was nothing, SD-6 was nothing, North Korea was nothing. This was something. She hummed slightly and he draped his arms around her lower waist, rediscovering her familiar taste. The kiss started becoming deeper, more passionate, more possessive; each reclaiming what was theirs and what was lost. He lifted her and she wrapped her legs around his waist placing her hands on the smooth skin of his chest. They crashed into the vanity, knocking over jewellry and perfume, rocking the piece of furniture. The smiled into each other, their lips sensing each other's amusement. He supported her using his muscular arms, holding her up by the top of her thighs. She moaned into his mouth, the pressure he was creating causing pleasant ripples to course through her body. Her hands traveled up behind his head, gripping his hair tugging on it slightly. He bit her lip mischievously as he had in her dream, in her memory she now realised. Her Vaughn was finally home she thought as he carried her over to the double bed; they crawled its length, her on her back with him on top of her. He began kissing her neck but stopped bring his head up to look at her  
  
"I love you Syd. Please tell me you know that" he whispered searching her face. A smile appeared  
  
"I love you so much Vaughn. Whatever we say and whatever we do- whatever happens I will always be yours" she repeated his words from the pier as if in silent acceptance of his apology, and to let him know she knew he loved her. They kissed again, all inhibitions now gone. His lips left her mouth as he made his way down her neck, nipping every now and then only to sooth the small sting with his tongue. She was amazed at his memory of the way his touch in different places would result in very favourable reactions. He had always been a generous, playful and passionate lover, and this was no exception. He lifted his knee between her thighs, yet again applying enough pressure to be pleasurable but not distracting as he swiftly removed her tee. She pressed her chest to his as if trying to hide herself from him. He smiled further at her shyness. She was never any less than beautiful, but she never seemed to agree or even notice- it was part of her charm. In acknowledgement of her insecurity, he fumbled about behind him for the blanket, throwing it over the pair carefully. In gratitude, she slowly traced her fingers down his abs causing his stomach muscles to contract violently, wrapping her fingers underneath the top of the towel, tearing it from his body and discarding it on the floor with her top. He laughed gently into her stomach where his mouth had found itself causing her to giggle slightly. She arched her back, gasping as he placed his palms against her hips and his fingers underneath her waistband. In an agonizingly slow fashion, he slid her pajama bottoms off, leaving her bare legs to intertwine with his. Vaughn than ran his hands up her body encasing her hands in his own, moving them above their heads to rest gently on her pillow. They remained there as they made love their fingers flexing slightly as their ecstasy peaked on several occasions, but remaining mingled at all times. At their most playful she would dig her nails into his soft flesh causing him to moan gently. For every kiss there was a nip, every lick, a scratch; a bite for each moan, a soft caress for each 'I love you'.  
  
Two very slow, enjoyable hours later, they were asleep. This time however, he wasn't on the floor. This time she wasn't having violent dreams. And this time their hands were resting on her stomach, fingers linked and softly caressing; this time it would not be frowned upon when they woke, as this act wasn't subconscious, but a deliberate and acknowledged action that caused them both to blush with fond memories of the night before.  
  
Let me know if u think I should continue! 


	8. chapter 8

_Heya! i know what i said, and i also know you think i should continue but i was thinking last night night and the thought 'quit while you're ahead' came to mind (hopefully i am ahead!)anyhoo, i've decided to leave this as is and i'm really sorry if you wanted me to continue. The last paragraph has changed to how it was originally writen- as the end, so if you want have a scrowl down (to get some closure!-god i'm a loser...sigh) Its been a pleasure writing for you guys and thanks for coming on this little adventure with me. thankyou so much for reading and even more so for reviewing, and anytime you see a little title with Dani11e87 written by it, give it a click and tell me what you think about it! Thank you so much again for your encouragement and input, and goodbye from A Cruel Twist Of Irony- dani xxx_

Chapter 8

They awoke to the shrill sound of a cell phone. She hit him causing him to grunt  
  
"Pick it up or I'll kick your ass" she groaned, turning away from him. She could still feel the imprint of his body on hers, and missed the warmth she was becoming gradually more used to not having as the months went by.  
  
"Vaughn" he answered gruffly from across the room "oh, hey man" he said his voice seemingly lighter and happier. "Eric" he mouthed to her "mm-hmm. Ya-huh. What? Ugh no Eric not today, day off remember? Yer, no, ya-huh, fine. I guess you're right. No, its confidential remember, besides I want to be there. Thanks anyway. I'll do it later" she smiled at his monosyllabic answers. Vaughn's face suddenly fell "No I haven't seen her," he said a little too defensively for her liking. He was clearly lying- he must be talking about me she thought sadly. "Yer... No. No. It's ok. I'll call her... Because... I need to talk to her anyway...yes I'm sure. Bye Eric " he hung up flinging his phone onto a chair. Vaughn span around to see Sydney crying, curled up her sheets resting against the headboard. He rushed towards her falling onto the bed gracefully; as he crawled to her he reached out to touch her only for her to flinch and lean away from him. This was too similar from how he had found her likely and he knew she was hurting, because of him. "Syd?" no response "Sydney?" she sniffed, angrily wiping tears from her face with the back of her hand.  
  
"I never thought I would say this, especially to you. But last night...I-it was mistake. I vowed- I told you I would never be the other woman, and now...God, I'm such an idiot. I slept with a married man. And you!" she shouted angrily pointing her finger at him. He fell back slightly at her action, she was now kneeling up on the bed facing him: fury in her eyes. "How can I be sure this just isn't a sick game, like all those other times, North Korea, earlier with the coffee? How do I know your not just going to go running home to your wife?! I just- you can't keep doing this to me. You're breaking me apart slowly, piece by piece!" she was crying, shouting at him as she had at the pier. "I love you so, so much. But you are married, you've committed adultery, and don't pretend you're not ashamed of your actions!" she screamed as he opened his mouth in protest. "If you had no regrets from last night you wouldn't have lied to Eric! You would have told him you were here with me. But instead you hid the truth. You used me!" she whispered, clenching the sheet, tightening it round her body. Sydney ran to the bathroom slamming the door angrily behind her. Vaughn sat, frozen on the bed. He thought the pain had gone and she understood how he felt. Clearly he was wrong. He was angry; fuming that she thought so low of him.  
  
"Sydney!" He roared as he jumped off the bed. He grabbed his now dry boxers throwing them on himself. He smashed his fist against the door several times, ravaging the handle in an attempt to open it. "Let me in now Sydney" he demanded. His aggression frightened them both   
  
"No!" she screamed. "You've had you're thrills now leave. I don't ever want to speak to you again. EVER" the bangs and rattles of the doorknob stopped dead, she was shocked by the abruptness, but her tears continued. There was silence.  
  
After a few minutes, the blotches on her face had gone and her tears had subsided  
  
"V-vaughn?" even though at the time she had meant what she said, she was so terrified that he wouldn't be there when she opened the door, she almost felt paralysed. She pulled it open cautiously seeing him sitting on the floor against the foot of the bed. She let the door softly bang against the plaster of the wall, and she folded her arms across her chest, allowing the sheet to move slightly with her arms. His knees were bent up infront of him and his arms rested on top of them; his hands were clutching his phone, tapping it against his knuckles occasionally. His head was lowered but she could tell his face was scarred with tears from the impact of her words. Without lifting his head, he looked at her quickly only to focus his eyes back on his hands when he saw her watching him. The fact that she looked more beautiful than he had ever seen her didn't help the situation either. Her eyes were soft yet full of feeling, and she had that soft glow she did every morning after they made love. The sheet she had draped around herself was reminiscent of some tragically beautiful goddess, and her hair lay in a messy accumulation of waves and curls, causing her to look cute but sexy all at the same time.  
  
"Eric" he spoke holding up the phone looking at her through distraught and angry eyes "reminded me I needed to go to my solicitor today to give the papers. He offered to take the papers in for me, but its something I need to do. He then asked me if I had seen Lauren since she signed them, but I think she's gone running off to her boyfriend or something; her phone's off. He wasn't asking about you Sydney. Eric knows I'm here. He helped me plan what to say. I knew I needed- I had to come round after you hung up but I didn't want to come here straight away so I called him on my cell as I left the house. I walked here so I could find the words to let you know about the...the new developments. But then I heard you crying and the door was open and- why was the door open Syd?"  
  
"I um... I went over to see Eric but I saw through the window he was on the phone, I walked back and I...broke down. It looked important, I didn't want to bother him anymore- it was you he was talking to, wasn't it?"  
  
"Yer. He shouted at me for not talking to you sooner, and he swore if I ever hurt you again he'd kick my ass." They laughed momentarily, sincerity falling on them once more. "Syd, you and me, w-we've come too far to start a fresh, to just have coffee. That's what normal people do when trying to start over, traditionally, you and me-we would go to some clandestine building in the middle of nowhere, or have a shootout with some cocky blond bastard, or-"  
  
"Disarm a nuclear bomb..." she added  
  
"Yeah." He grinned sadly. All those things, the times when he thought he was near death; she was all he could think about. Not Lauren, his wife, the one he was meant to be loving for all eternity or whatever- it was that sad girl before him, Sydney- his Syd. "We're not normal Syd. What we have isn't ordinary. We can't just sweep stuff under the rug or start again- we've been through too much. We have too much."  
  
"Vaughn I love you, but we can't be together; not like this anyway. I can't dishonour you're wedding vows, and I...I-can't do that to Lauren. I can't be known as the office...slut. A home wrecker."  
  
"Syd" he said a little more forcefully than he had meant to. "What are you saying? I can't believe you would think that, that you would degrade yourself so much. No one is a harder on themselves as you are. I know you think yourself as the other woman, but you're the only woman Sydney. In my life there's only one person- you're the one who has my heart. I will always be yours Syd." She was crying now, silently letting the expressive liquid plunge from her eyes. There was a pensive silence "Do- do you really want me to leave?" His voice was unsteady, yet his message clearly delivered. She shook her head biting her lip bashfully, trying to hide a smile. They now both knew she didn't mean it; her anger spoke for her, but he had to check, to make sure. Sydney didn't want to mar the moment, but she had to ask.  
  
"Where's your ring?"  
  
"I can't remember. I took it off sometime between coming in the house and...putting you to bed." He smiled sheepishly and the memory of holding her sleepy form.  
  
"Oh yeah thanks for that by the way" she said timidly   
  
"No problem" he grinned back standing up "So we're good?"  
  
"We're good" she answered assuring both of them, a huge grin spread across her face as he grabbed her sheet pulling her towards him.  
  
"I love you so much" he said in a gentle voice no louder than a whisper  
  
"I love you" she countered happily. "Too much" They laughed, soft kisses and caresses being exchanged generously.  
  
Half an hour later, a make shift bed had been created on the floor from the sheet Sydney had been wearing. Both were now dressed and up and about the house. It wasn't really dressed in the sense of the word they supposed, as Vaughn was just wearing the pair of sweats they had found and Sydney, also in sweats, only wore her bra. They lay on the couch watching the television together not really paying attention to what the presenter was saying. The couple were in the process of eating all the ice cream she possessed and finishing off all Eric's beer when Vaughn was about to suggest a shower only to be interupted by Syd.  
  
"Who's do you think it is?" she asked gently "the baby I mean"  
  
"I don't know, or really care. I mean I always wanted my first child to be with you... This is going to sound terrible but, I-I'm kind of glad its not mine- how terrible does that make me? " she kissed his head tenderly  
  
"Vaughn, you are the most caring, loving, generous," she laughed at his groans and his head shaking slightly in disagreement. She continued, "supportive, funny, passionate, kind, beautiful, sexy man I have ever met in my entirety and I love you..." He kissed he in thanks.  
  
"You are too good to me" he whispered, their lips barely touching  
  
"...and you're not a bad lay either" she laughed as he groaned again, hitting her with a pillow. She became serious again "No one can blame you for feeling betrayed Vaughn. Its only natural, you're in love with her and her place in your heart makes you vulnerable to her, effectively hurting you more than anyone else can"  
  
"I am so, so sorry" he whispered into her neck, an incommunicable feeling of guilt screaming through his body. "Syd, I loved Lauren, but I'm not in love with her. I cannot believe it hurts like this- and our relationship wasn't even built on anything substantial, just grief over my loss of you... What you and I had- what we have now-Syd the pain you must be feeling-"  
  
"The pain I felt" she reassured. He smiled sadly and continued  
  
"I am so sorry for hurting you like I did. I promise I'm going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you..."  
  
"What?' she laughed quietly  
  
"Uh- I. Hang on..." he blushed as he leapt out from under her dashing into her bedroom.   
  
"Vaughn?" she got up quickly following him. He was bent over the clothes he had worn at the pier, they were still wet, but he was rooting around in his pockets for something. She stepped closer to him catching him off guard as he span round to face her.  
  
"Wow!" he shouted, "How did you-"  
  
"Spy" he grinned   
  
"I wanted to do this properly but I can't wait..."  
  
"Vaughn what?"  
  
"I was going to give this to you in Santa Barbara, but you-uh" he said twirling a ring in his fingers, his voice was laden with emotion recalling the night he died; the night Sydney disappeared. He led her to the bed, sitting her down as he knelt infront of her.  
  
"Vaughn" she said in the same frightened tone as in Hong Kong when she saw the small band of gold on his finger. He sighed rubbing his hand down his face.  
  
"In Santa Barbara, I was going ask you, I was going to tell you I loved you and that, uh...that even though I knew it wasn't the time... I would propose- not then, but in the future, it was kind of a promise ring that... I would always love you and that I would do everything in my power so could spend the rest of our lives together- uh if you wanted to... I mean I was pretty sure you loved me too, but I never, we never... I was going to tell you there was nothing I wouldn't do for you, but I came for you and you weren't there anymore. You had gone. You were dead. I-I oh Syd, you left me alone, I was so alone; you were all I had, all I wanted to have. You were my soul, my very essence, my everything. I never got to give you the ring I so carefully chose for you, I never got to tell you I loved you, I never got to ask you to be my wife. This is a promise" he whispered holding up the ring shakily, "that I will never hurt you again, that I have always loved you, that I will never lose faith, that I'll propose to you, that we'll grow old together, that however much we argue, you'll always be right. That I'll always be your guardian angel." She didn't say anything. She just cried, her tears mingling with her smile effortlessly. She didn't need to tell him that yes she would be his wife, that she forgave him, that she loved him unconditionally and that he would always be her guardian angel. The kissed softly allowing tears to vanish in between them.

While in some ways he would always be her tormentor, her torturer, his weapon would only be his devotion to her and his undying passion, pushing her to the edge of her sanity with contentment and delight she would never think obtainable. Promises would be fulfilled, and like them, their love would prove to be indestructible. No matter what they would say, he would always be her guardian angel and whatever they did- whatever happened, inevitably, he would always be hers...

fin

_Thankyou to Jenny, Grouchy, Saorla, Neptunestar, KMB, Shelz, Agent Flamingo,Olivia, Kniki, Angels Touch, Emmy d, Kiki and Sark all the way and for their reviews, a big cheers to anyone who clicks the little button later! thanks dudes!!!- dani xxx_


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